It has been nearly a week since I gathered my ever so trembling courage to share the primal version of “The Notes of a Desperate Individual” into the world. The everlasting support and understanding of many like-minded people have truly warmed not only my own heart, but the hearts of many other affected individuals, thus prolonging the ever so needed hope inside the seemingly gloom tomorrow.
Yet despite planning it to be the last one covering the today’s eastern European crisis, the observation of the currently developing events, happening not only in Ukraine, but also in other European lands, for example in Austria – the land, that I wholeheartedly cherish and am still studying in – has pushed me to publish an update. An update, filled with anguish and desolation, with no supporting quotes to back up my thoughts – for there are, unfortunately, none to describe them.
As I, once more, am typing these words with my relatively wobbly fingers, only one remarkably clear statement remains in my head - such presently quick changes in the surrounding atmosphere can truly cause an immensely mental drainage of an individual:
The constant sleepless nights, that are inevitably spent in companionship with the continuously worse news about the increasing possibility of the military invasion;
The voiding anger, when hearing of the unfortunate success of blatantly obvious provocations;
The overbearing sadness over how much money truly matter in this world, when it is that easy to influence (or in simpler words “to buy”) the quite “respectable” medias to spread either fabricated or disfigured information for the world to see;
The inability to stay focused with the studies as well as the personal life, as my mind is constantly plagued with the thoughts of the various outcomes of such situation and with the painful realization of having absolutely no power to change the perhaps “prescribed” fate – for I am only a human being.
Yet the most ravaging of them all is the intoxicating feeling of hopelessness – the one, that is gradually overtaking me whole, while whispering of my uselessness to, at least somehow, make an impact inside the hearts of the neighboring civilians to inform themselves and share the stories of the affected victims as well as to not be swayed by the nowadays feasting propaganda, constantly shown in the previously mentioned European medias.
The more I write about the overall exhaustion of numerous affected individuals as well as Ukraine itself, the more I realize the carefully concealed lie, told to many generations, namely “The future is whatever you make it”.
No, with today’s escalations you simply can’t.
There is only fate.
And if our fate is truly written by the power-starving elite, ready to simply destroy not only the civilians from the “needed-to-be-conquered land”, but their own people with no remorse whatsoever, then what is the point of trying ones hardest to prevent such fate?
What is the point of the countless historical sacrifices, made in order to grant us a much better tomorrow?
What is the point of genuinely wanting to become a useful and innovative member of my other favored city, only to receive the coldblooded backlash or a straightforward ignorance from many of its citizens as well as the government officials, when even slightly mentioning the issues of my own homeland?
What is the point of trying to involve the “progressive” individuals from the whole world to share about today’s critical situation, only for it to never be published afterwards?
What is the point of my frequently mentioned “humanity”?
Of the life itself?
Of my very own existence?
Even if such rather frantic scribbles would be the last proof of my existence, so be it. For even if the bombs do collide and the chaos unfolds, I desperately want people to not give up and stand their ground. To not lose hope and survive until the very end. To educate others and share the support as well as love to each, who has long forgotten of such luxuries. To strive for peace.
For only like this would the world, hopefully, understand the point of it all.
Only like this may the epilogue of the peaceful and bright future be published...